he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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