Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
