too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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