Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
