Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
