idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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