So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
