does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
