I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
