Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
