Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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