ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
