when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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