Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize