Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
