i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
