FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
50% drunk capacity currently
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
