I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
