I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
