it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
