I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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