Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
