I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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