i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
