i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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