ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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