woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Alive.
So much puke
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
