You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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