If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
