Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
