Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
