So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
