his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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