I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize