My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
