I hate all girls vehemently.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
