I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
