david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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