The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
