i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
