You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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