Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
