ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
