You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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