Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
