My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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