Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
