Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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