I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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