You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
