she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
