I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
