apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
