I cannot find my penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
