Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
