the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
