'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
