There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
