my phone needs a breathalizer
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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