guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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