I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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