the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
