it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
