you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
