Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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