some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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