Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
