Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
