i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
