Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
