Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
