The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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