I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
