They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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