I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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