i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
