playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
