Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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