this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
