Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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