why didn't you poke me back
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
