I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
