why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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