Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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