If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
