Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We left the knife in your bed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
