I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
