best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
