They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
