the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
