do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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