even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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