There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
