Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize