he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
