yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
