OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize