Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
