Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
