My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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