hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
