Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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