i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
