He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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