Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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